Me and my friends like to play dragons den at work in the hope of one day becoming famous business celebrities like richard branson and robert maxwell. Like all truly self made people, this starts at the bottom and works up.
I need a minute to consider your
proposal.
I have considered your proposal
and I think we can make beautiful business together. The rest of you can
choke on a hot mouthful of liquid assets
From: Stephen Johnson [mailto:xxxxx]
Sent: 22 September 2011 15:35
To: Mike Curran; Brendan Curran
Cc: xxxxxx
Subject: RE: Beef Dynamite
Hi
Mike. I like you. Your supreme business nous, pant-loosening charisma and
clinical presentation skills had me at hello. But what really clinched the deal
was your portfolio of upper echelon business diagrams. I would like to make an
offer of 25 pence, a bag of Maltesers and a used Warner Brothers Basingstoke
cinema ticket for a 173.5% stake in your company? To sweeten the deal I will
allow you to sit in my Ferrari for five minutes every quarter on the proviso
you keep your grubby little mitts out of the glove compartment.
From: Mike Curran [mailto:xxxx]
Sent: 22 September 2011 15:18
To: Brendan Curran
Cc: P.xxxxxxx;
Stephen Johnson
Subject: RE: Beef Dynamite
Hello Brendan,
First of all, thank you for your interest. With regards to your first
question, I have a distinguished background in accounting practices and
business forecasting, so naturally I brought some of this information along with
me today. Please study the graph below to get an idea of just what a
sound investment opportunity Beef Dynamite represents:
Through my own private
investigation skills I was able to identify the purchasing manager for Tesco in
the UK and Europe. Being tenacious and passionate about the quality of my
product, I set up a small 2 season tent in his front garden and posted free
samples of Beef Dynamite through his letterbox every day for 2 weeks. We
are now negotiating the terms of my restraining order through an intermediary.
Any others?
From: Brendan Curran
Sent: 22 September 2011 15:04
To: Mike Curran
Cc: xxxxx
Subject: RE: Beef Dynamite
Hello Mike, Brendan here.
I’ve got a few questions about your projections for this product.
What are your profit forecasts for your first year of trading? Have you
been in contact with any distributors, and if so, how far have you got in
negotiations?
From: Peter Brown [mailto:xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]
Sent: 22 September 2011 14:20
To: Mike Curran
Cc: 'Stephen Johnson'
Subject: RE: Beef Dynamite
Hello, Im Duncan, Ey, youKnow, ey, ey ‘Scotish lingo here’ I’ve been
eating a similar product for years, ey, ey, you know.. there is nothing
original here.. having said that.. I’m going to make you an offer.. Shit on
Debras face and Ill have 75% of the business..
From: XXXX
Sent: 22 September 2011 14:15
To: Stephen Johnson
Cc: Peter Brown
Subject: Beef Dynamite
Hello Dragons,
I come before you today to ask for an investment of £20,000
and 50,000 uniquely hand-painted hard boiled eggs for a 5% stake in my
company: Beef Dynamite Holdings GmbH.
The ethos behind my company is simple: I want to
provide the lowest cost homogenised meat-derivative based snack food that can
legally be sold for human consumption. I believe there is a gap in the
market that we can effectively grout closed (thanks to its semi-solid texture)
with our product Beef Dynamite.
I am targeting the snack savvy young professional who
doesn’t have time or the inclination to wait for toasted coffee shop
paninis. When you’ve been biting people’s heads off since 7am the last
thing you want to eat is something else that you have to waste energy chewing.
For top dogs in the dog eat dog world of business there is only one natural
choice for lunch, and we have partnered with leading animal waste disposal
firms to create it (Beef Dynamite contains no less than 30% canine connective
tissue). To reinforce this rugged brand image, I have invested my elderly
grandmother’s life savings in a hard-hitting and masculine advertising
campaign:
The money you invest will be used to fund my on-going legal
struggle with the Food Standards Agency, who have accused me of false
advertising. They claim that Beef Dynamite cannot be marketed as a beef
product because it only contains 1% beef (hearts) and cannot be sold as
dynamite because it contains only 15% nitro-glycerine. I am
challenging them in court and expect a positive outcome given my robust
argument that nobody ever tried to smoke candy cigarettes and Mars bars do not
in fact contain any extra-terrestrial material.
The uniquely hand painted hard boiled eggs will be used to
decorate my caravan.
Does anybody have any questions?
